Quick Sand

What i fear the most ? Quicksand ..!!!
This was the dialogue of keanu reaves from the replacements .

I too fear the same . To start with one thing falls and with that the other thing .All the weak points seem linked and to have conspired against . Like chains pulling you from all the directions for a common end failure.They are planning a trap on you. Your caution turns suspicion. Every thing done by you , gets subdued by what is happening around you. You dont do but are done by .You hope this ends on a single bad day .But a series continues. You struggle to make it right . You need more air ,more space ,more time ... and you have none. You kow you are losing it all , yet you can do nothing. You lose the composure and commit more mistakes .Making choices u never would have made otherwise. Choices which are nothing but a escapist attitude. You smoke , you booze. You sit with some worthless fellows like you and abuse everyhting that comes and goes by .In ur heart you hope , this might help the recovery .Ending up digging more deep and steep .Anger ,frustation ,depression ... start entering in ur routine.Voices that comes to your ears sounds noise. You hurt people who care or think about you . Why ? . May be the feeling that you let them down.May be their positive talks deepens the feeling of worthlessness .You want to shut urself in yet you cant. There are volcanoes inside you , a molten lava of emotions . Turmoil.sleeplessness ,restlessness ..fear.You fear the loneliness and crowd at the same moment. You dont enjoy your own company. Dissatisfaction multiplies. Coliision of your thoughts in mind become frequent.You wish to stay and make everything right and at the same time to run away .
You wish to lose ur memory , haunting you like a ghost.Situation makes your every action inaction. Harder u try , more you mess up. And if u dont try you invariably lose. Confused , hasty , acting foolishly... and what you can see is people laughing on you ,asking questions , raising doubts on your abilility. You start losing trust on urself. Basic structure of belifs has crumbled. Every moment of defeat though over your mind cant let it go , replay and run it thousand times. The memory of that moment just contains negativity .And then memory of that memory keep piling up till it becomes absolute monster.Those memories pinch like a monster residing in yourself and killing you inside out. You have lost fatally.

You wish any single thing right could have changed it . You realize your past has been a series of failures. Your every decision was inapt and inadequate .Suddenly your ability to focus on one aim becomes inability to prepare a back up plan.You search a shelter ,a sheild or a escape route . Your bench marks change. Instead of performance , survival becomes the need. Trival things make u feel lost........

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